Miss Mosquito

Ever go out and look at boobs, of course you have. But ever wonder why some are so big and some are so small. Well the big ones are either A) Pure Fat or B) Purely paid for, or atleast having payments made on them, or C) natural and covered up which is done by only the classy girls. Anyways…. What you see here is D) undeveloped, and by undeveloped I mean the moquito just flew away and you have yet to itch the spot. I orginally said there are big ones and small ones. I forgot to mention tiny ones, and there is nothing wrong with that if when you go to try to meet a girl and you get that ‘ I feel like a pedophile’ feeling, when you notice shes undeveloped, as you look into her eyes of blue or brown. Or maybe you were just blinded by the nail color and bright green popped collar shirt. Maybe you ran into her while making your way across the dance floor and got paint on your favorite shirt, got pissed off real quick but then noticed this little teenage girl some how got past security so you don’t make a scene, and go about your fist pumping.

Miss Cheap Drinks

Here we have Miss Cheap Drinks, sporting Keystone and Franzia. Funny cause only time I ever seen Franzia used was in food. When I worked at a caterering place some years ago we used it for sauces, but apparently you just need to put it in a bottle and drink up.

Mr. Caterpillar

Guido ? No this is ’s1ick’ atleast that is what he calls himself, as you can see he took the time out to put it in picture 4. But others may call him a guido. I think the pictures hold enough ground to refer to him as one. That being ‘guido’ not ’s1lick’ with a number one for an L.

Do I even need to mention anything with the first picture? Seriously do I?  Yea didn’t think so, but I’m going to. WHAT THE FUCK!? Whats with the furry cowboy hat to cover up the shrinking nuts from these roids he started taking. Why would you buy that hat? But more importantly why would you put that picture on your myspace? Was it taken with a camera or a webcam? Does he work as a stripper for an internet cowboy stripper live dance show thing, to pay for his VIP bottle service treatment as seen in picture 2. Never understood the entire pay to be a VIP thing. ‘Sucker’ comes to mind more so then ‘VIP’.

Is that the typical guido myspace picture? The entire stand in front of the mirror in some Ed Hardy  clothes where you only tuck in the front of the shirt from one pocket to the other, wearing sunglasses in the house with your hat to the side standing next to wood molding that matches your skin from those trips to the tanning beds.

Thats cool that he hangouts with dike looking guys. Tell me you do’nt think that one ‘guy’ on the right in picture 5 doesn’t look like it could pass for a girl with short hair. Exactly you can’t, she ehh.. he does. Whats with the big rings on the guy in blues hands? That hair, they probably just shared the same bottle of Guido Gel and are posing for this picture as the new spokesmen.. ehh spokeswomen?

Anyways probably wonder where the name Mr. Caterpillar came from. Well take a look at those bushy ass eyebrows. Ever see one of those furry caterpillars? Yup there you go.

Mr. Sparkles

Okay so I was having a hard time finding someone yet again, when I got an IM saying ‘this guy is perfect’, and she’s right. He is perfect for the Dirty Jersey.

Picture one we have the guido blow back haircut although it seems to be a mild version as its at a wedding but that suit. Holy Fucking Shit Batman! I’m not sure what to say. I am against a guy wearing pink, but if it was between a pink shirt and this glittery suit. I’m going with the pink suit/shirt. Seriously Glitter Suit? I wont mention the scissor hands. Check out the second picture, I think his lips are taking up 1/4 of his face. while that flower is half the size of his face.

Check out picture 3 and 4. He works out, no gym needed here. Just walk into the living room, why waste all the time driving to the gym. When you could just walk into a different room of the house, to use the stepper or treadmill. You cant miss the finding nemo pool float around his head, and his lips have returned, while hes watching MMA fighting on tv. So this guy is clearly a bad ass with his oompa loompa orange coloring and pink shirt with a popped color along with that cool spoon collection hanging on the wall in picture 4. How could I forget to mention those smooth as silk shaved arms ?

If you have someone for us to write about hit the contact page or shoot us a message on myspace.com/jerseyparties or leave a comment.

Miss Glitter

I’m going to assume other girls tried to pretend they were this girl, which would be why she has her myspace ID number in the one picture? Wears a lot of makeup but atleast this one knows how to apply it to her face. Picture 1 with the myspace ID number that I blocked out, Read more

The Chameleon

Okay I showed the picture to 3 people and their first comment back to me was ‘Is that the same girl?’. To funny. But yes, it is the same girl. She has the entire, which celebrity am I trying to be like thing going on. Is she Courtney Love, Britney Spears of some rejected porn star wanna be ? Read more

The Future Mrs Muscle Milk ?

The milk has gone bad ladies and gentlemen. I seem to have come across Mr. Muscle Milks girlfriend. If they are not yet dating maybe I can play matchmaker here.

Now before I go any further, I know what you must be thinking, and you are very wrong. Read more

The Tranny

Okay I got some things to do today, ended up coming across this one, and it will save me some time from typing up the article as I don’t konw what to say about this one. Read more

Chemical Killer

Okay, you dont know how hard today was to find someone, every profile I checked was private. Which answers some emails as to where I get these people from that being Myspace. Not sure where to start with this girl today. What do you notice first, the makeup, or the boobs? Read more

The Orange Milf Hunter

Right off the bat I shit you not, this guys profile for occupation say’s he is a Milf Hunter, and his companies he has listed a cell phone store. He’s been working there for 5 months now. So MADDDD props to that shit yo! Those paychecks have been going towards the tannning beds which is clearly stated as something he likes to do. As if we couldn’t tell by the orange hue as seen in picture 1. I cant read lips to well but is he saying ‘douche’ in that picture as well ? Read more

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